Bipolar Diary

Let me start off with that many people that read this blog are those who have to deal with or professionally treat bipolars. My endings to my blogging is a plea for you to share, I know even those who are close to or may even love, God Bless You – Those who love a bipolar! there is many who know as well as I how difficult the bipolar is so! you need to share here on this very blog your feelings or experiences by either being a bipolar or the bipolar experience. Share, you will feel good in doing so.

BTW, If you are are shrink in the greater metropolitan area of Denver CO I desperately need you!

Well what do you know here it is 2 days in a row, can’t tell yo when the last time that happened. I swear that I am not feeling well enough to be doing this let alone 2 days in a row. Does a bipolar really use crutches. I mean aren’t they strong enough to stand alone? In answer to that when you have a host of raving demons in your head constantly how would you be able to function?

I had a thought that I was going to throw down here but it has left me for the moment and I dare say probably forever. At the present time I am without shrink. I have been without shrink since March of 2003. Have I been doing alright? Now what would you say seeing me stand around here asking questions and then answering them. NO! I am not OK and I have not been frigging OK since 2003. I did have a brief stint with I believe 2 shrinks and a GP who thought he was a shrink and could manage my medicine but almost poisoned me cept for the fact that I could read a lab report seeing that 2500 of Depakote was way over a therapeutic level and I weaned my self of my med and NO! I ain’t ok!

3 Years ago I quit a job that I had been on for 28 years (bipolars don’t like change) but I was delusional and felt I was being unmercifully being persecuted ( I wasn’t I now know)

I now have a host of screaming demons with me constantly on my current job and if it keeps up I am going to go stark raving mad. It hurts alot and I don’t know what to do. DO you?

A gift for my patient readers and followers

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say
that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that amoung other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful readers I will make available totaly FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE, PLEASE! Leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

Do You Like The videos and pictures? Do You Want More? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com or write it in my comments.

Now I call tell ya that I am leaving the slump and am headed up hill. The pain has eased and the demons are asleep. I feel as I can see and that both eyes are open. This simple statement may seem a bit impractical but if this is you and you have been there you can realize just what I am saying. Good day at work, no real stumbling there a bit hard to motivate but was able to focus and be productive.

This is at the WAAAM museum in Hood River Oregon taken 2010-05-14

At the same time I am home trying to do some web cams and I am able to get a simple cam up and running, web site with simple programming, but then I have this IP cam that is giving me nothing but trouble and I can not finger it out. As with times like these the periods when I can do complex technical shit are few and far between but understanding as I may I still attempt it thus frustrating myself unmercifully. I may realize this is happening or three days later when I experience a moment of lucidness I realize I have spent 3 days doing nothing but spinning my wheels.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE, PLEASE! Leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

Do You Like The Pictures? Do You Want More? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com or write it in my comments.

I think maybe being on vacation has been the best medicine I have ever taken for I am feeling no pain, I am enjoying alot and if I knew otherwise I would think I was cured or more likely never a bipolar in the first place. So maybe there is hope, of what I could not really tell you. Some would ask were you possibly just a mild bipolar and not completely afflicted? I can teel you one thing for sure is that I do enjoy writing, blogging and such that from September 2009 until early 2010 I was so paralyzed with my affliction that I was unable to write, internet market or much else. It was a struggle to maintain at work and be somewhat productive in paying my way at work and had I been in another professional position I would not have had a job. So just short of a miracle I would probably say I am still bipolar, but really really feeling GOOD!

This picture was taken in Hood River Oregon at the Columbia River Canal Locks on 2010-05-13.

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that amoung other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful I will make available totaly FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE PLEASE! leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

DO YOU LIKE THE PICTURES? DO YOU WANT MORE? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com

Unbelievable, not only am I on the top side of my cycle it is great! it is sustained and I sure hope I don’t plunge and friggin crash and burn . . . been there done that but I certainly will enjoy it while it lasts.

I am not sure if is the release from the medication or if it is just going good. As usual I say you all out there do know what I mean.

Better yet I am popping out some killer articles for an example here is on from ezineArticles.com go there and check it out if you like. I am not having trouble concentrating and I can carryout a thought so I would say I am doing pretty good.

So has anyone taken a step and joine up my list so they can get suprises, free stuff and posibly good information and possibly educated on some things? If not here is your chance again Click Here to Join

If you all haven’t noticed I must be on the topside of an up swing because it appears I have written a few days in a row.

Another factor can be the fact that I am really getting into doing something about my weight and my fat ass. I have had a treadmill ( a good one at that ) which my wife bought 10 years ago. Enough about that, the point being is that when I am walking which is 1 hour in the morning and 1 at night. While walking I am reading eBooks on Internet Marketing which gives me hope in learning this complicated career choice. I am trying my hand in promoting a web site dealing with how to lose weight, weight loss safely and eating healthy for weight control and if you are interested you can Click Here to visit my web page and see if you think I am headed in the right direction.

It is hard for me to say because I tend to wander so horribly but then when I am in the cycle I am in at the moment I believe my thought are more lucid and complete but what has gone into that stuff when I am at a low point is surely interesting, but hopefully successful. By being diverted with my concentration on my weight and getting healthy and at a weight I haven’t seen in a long time is the fact that I haven’t done any “Shopping” and for those of you that “know” you probably can see the accomplishment in that, which again is attributed to my focus on other things.

Is it just me or am I being really repetitive? maybe such is good, be kind enough to tell me if you think otherwise.

Speaking of that, when you have read each and every blog if you would please be so kind and leave a comment as to what you think, share something, begin a conversation for I know how isolated bipolars can be, the suspicions that overwhelm you but you have a friend here.

In closing I do want to pitch one thing and that is if you really want to keep abreast as to everything I am doing and what I have discovered to please join my group by clicking here to change your life even if it is with curiosity or what . . .

I realy want to have it out there as to what I am going through and feeling. I go for such long periods of times where it it such a struggle to complete the most elementry things. I haven’t said, but I have been without a shrink for almost 7 years. That is not a good thing. I have done so many stupid things that may have not occured, and at this monment I am able to be relective on the trouble I have experienced in the past. It is as if I am having a period of awakening, no . . . that is exactly what I am having at the moment, a moment of awakening. The demons are not pounding on me with the furry that is all but my life, So ongoing sh……….. is I continue to self medicate with some really bad stuff and I keep that company with alcohol and too boot I down daily 2000 mg of Depakote which is at the lower end of the scale of theraputic, my GP shows me my labs and his is the one who prescribes all of the meds.

One of the things that many of us would find hard to deny is the paranoia that wracks us, the Bipolar. It all but destroyed me 2 years ago and the wash back of that is rearing it’s ugly head today . . . . I think.

It is just so hard to focus, there are things that really need my attention and I am suffering enormously from a financial catastrophe which keeps me teetering constantly not knowing how I am going to fall.

I struggle with the self medication of alcohol and illicit drugs in concert with my prescribed bipolar medication. Thankful I am not a wreck, otherwise I’ve not a clue what to do. Oh well . . .

On Vacation
At home blogging and then some blogging. Pretty well medicated these days though it feels that it is at the lower end. It is Depakote and I am doing 1500 daily. I can tell it is the lower end because I am not yet the walking asleep, though I have bouts if I lose my attention I will drop off to sleep as a doze but then startle awake. I pretty much know where I am and what I am doing, may take a sec from time to time but I mostly have my orientation correct.

For those of you who did not get the opportunity to download my last book WHICH IS FREE, here is my email Bipolar@BipolarDiary.com, just send me an email asking that I send you a link for the download.

Last day in Florida, Clearwater Florida.
We will be flying back to Death Star later on in the afternoon. We have to get the rental car back and fuel in the tank and yet to the terminal in time to get the hell out of dodge. Feeling a bit edgy, can’t say I’ve been over the top but it sure seems on the way back down. Wow that really lasted awhile.

Got to the airport terminal and sat down and had some dinner and a drink. Not much action just waiting till the planes takes off.

The plane ride from hell, in front of me sat the most unruly and undisciplined 2 year old I have ever encountered in my life I just wanted to bust the mother in the mouth for what she had done to her child, what an injustice and not to mention the 10 kinds of hell I went through on a 3 hour 15 minute ride with constant squalling, jumping up and down and screaming. Never once missed a note nor went hoarse, the kid that is. 1830 Landed in the Death Star and home by 1930 and then over to pick up R2-D2 at my brothers house.

On home to an early sleep, just tired and burnt. Off to beddy bye!

For those of you who did not get the opportunity to download my last book WHICH IS FREE, here is my email Bipolar@BipolarDiary.com, just send me an email asking that I send you a link for the download.

And from Clearwater Florida, we are still vacationing. Out to breakfast at Bob Evans and then on down to the Beach. When we got there it was threatening to storm so we decided to walk for a while and maybe find a store to wait out the rain.. And rain it did, quite a downpour. We were in the Clearwater Harley store and before we left we had spent over $100.00. We walked on back to where we had parked and put in our shopping loot. A side note here this really wasn’t a manic induced spree but just that of opportunity – I think. We went on to the beach and swam for some and 30 minutes into the swim clouds were threatening to blow out again so we headed over to the pier for cover and it did rain shortly and went on for another 30 minutes till it subsided substantially but not much so were headed back to the beach and it drizzled and rained harder for over 30 minutes and then pretty much stopped so we decided to quit swimming and walk down the beach walk so we stowed the beach gear in the car and went walking. The weather held but about 40 minutes later it seemed that it was going to open up again so we headed back to go to the hotel and get ready for dinner with Biggs Darklighter and his fiancée. We met at Landry’s Sea Food outside of Tampa, and enjoyed a good dinner and visit. I called it time to go so they could still have an evening together. We headed on to the hotel of computer play and blogging and then off to bed about midnight. A last note, It sorta seem like I am on the even plane on the topside which seems not great or excessive. I am still on 500mg Depakote X1 daily at bed time. There does no seem to be any effect at all and is difficult not having a competent professional to monitor it. Life goes on.