Bipolar Diary

Being a Bipolar, manic or whatever you care to call it when you believe that you are feeling OK that alone is suspect because what is OK, define that. Does it mean that you are alive and maybe you have not hurt any one else. So you are OK at this moment.

I read a comment about this woman and her bizarre delusions and having been thinking about it a lot since. The gist of the comment was that she was laying in wait to catch her cheating partner in a compromised situation and she knew all about how they would go about it. Her knowledge came from the fact she had been married 5 times before and had more relationships with more than she could hardly remember.

I can relate to that because I have been down the same road in a very similar way. Now let me ask, does it seem bipolars manic depressives have some of the very same relationship issues. Kinda like if you don’t kill them you dump them time and time again?

I gues this is why they call it crazy. Loose use of the term because I can’t define that one either.

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say
that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that amoung other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful readers I will make available totaly FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE, PLEASE! Leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

Do You Like The video? Do You Want More? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com or write it in my comments.

Now I call tell ya that I am leaving the slump and am headed up hill. The pain has eased and the demons are asleep. I feel as I can see and that both eyes are open. This simple statement may seem a bit impractical but if this is you and you have been there you can realize just what I am saying. Good day at work, no real stumbling there a bit hard to motivate but was able to focus and be productive.

This is at the WAAAM museum in Hood River Oregon taken 2010-05-14

At the same time I am home trying to do some web cams and I am able to get a simple cam up and running, web site with simple programming, but then I have this IP cam that is giving me nothing but trouble and I can not finger it out. As with times like these the periods when I can do complex technical shit are few and far between but understanding as I may I still attempt it thus frustrating myself unmercifully. I may realize this is happening or three days later when I experience a moment of lucidness I realize I have spent 3 days doing nothing but spinning my wheels.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE, PLEASE! Leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

Do You Like The Pictures? Do You Want More? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com or write it in my comments.

Wish I could tell you all is great. Well one thing I found my lost lost daughter and I can tell you my life is gold compared to what that dear child had to go through growing up. She is now a grown woman with a child of her own and seems to be well adjusted. Now I also have a son of which I have not heard from in 30 years and my daughter says she thinks he dead, a drug deal gone wrong in California. Before I really didn’t like California and now . . . . . Still on the down spiral and it is killing me. I have the over whelming urge to self medicate and very well may just bought a liter of liquor to help celebrate Memorial day. What a blast – NOT! We here where I live in this swelter community we had a hail strom straight from which tore everything to pieces, luckily my wife and I were both at work in parts of town that were virtually unscathed by the storm. hey there was something good!

This picture was taken of Christine Falls on Mt Rainier 2010-05-14

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say
that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that amoung other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful readers I will make available totaly FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE, PLEASE! Leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

Do You Like The Pictures? Do You Want More? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com or write it in my comments.

Can barley think and writing is painful because I have to try and think.

I once may have said that there is no pain with bipolar . . . WRONG

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say
that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that amoung other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful readers I will make available totaly FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE, PLEASE! Leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

Do You Like The Pictures? Do You Want More? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com or write it in my comments.

No more vacation and I am back here in Colorado. Can’t say I didn’t have a great time and as I said before it is a rare to nonexistent feeling for me to have a good time or even know I am having a good time.

I took the picture below at Hood River at the Western Antique Aeroplane & Automobile Museum 2010-05-14. Nice pic!

And then this picture was taken in the Mt Rainier National Park ($15.00 per Carload)

It is good that I am able to give a vacation report aside from either how lousy I am feeling or what pain is tormenting me as well as whether or not the events I am experiencing are real or not. None of dire feelings are occurring and I genuinely am fine. Just great news.

It can be really unpredictable most of the time. At the moment as well as the past few days I have been feeling extraordinarily good for which no reason comes to mind but I guess that is why I would need a shrink to tell me why or if it is truly a fact that I am feeling good. Of course due to that fact it is why I don’t have a shrink even though in pact blogging I have mentioned how I thought I really need one; musta been outa my mind.

I am still vacationing, having a grand time, loving the wife and the time we are spending together (don’t know if she reads this) but it is true. My focus on the task at hand seems to be workable for I have taken many photographs and they have been outstanding! Nothing that will make me rich but none the less they have turned out exceptionally well.

I haven’t really said much about the time we spent with our friends here in Central Oregon but we got to their place early afternoon sitting around catching up what has happened since we saw each on a cruise on Lake Washington in August of 2009. They had set up dinner out at a small musical performance which turned out to be some of the weirdest shit I have ever heard in my frigging life and it was just not t he amount of wine I had consumed, the music was just plain WEIRD! Food OK for a buffet.

When we got home we (wife and I) got an additional musical performance from our friends with him singing and playing the acoustic guitar and his wife accompanying him vocally. Totally outstanding performance by them just could not get enough!

If you all haven’t noticed I must be on the topside of an up swing because it appears I have written a few days in a row.

Another factor can be the fact that I am really getting into doing something about my weight and my fat ass. I have had a treadmill ( a good one at that ) which my wife bought 10 years ago. Enough about that, the point being is that when I am walking which is 1 hour in the morning and 1 at night. While walking I am reading eBooks on Internet Marketing which gives me hope in learning this complicated career choice. I am trying my hand in promoting a web site dealing with how to lose weight, weight loss safely and eating healthy for weight control and if you are interested you can Click Here to visit my web page and see if you think I am headed in the right direction.

It is hard for me to say because I tend to wander so horribly but then when I am in the cycle I am in at the moment I believe my thought are more lucid and complete but what has gone into that stuff when I am at a low point is surely interesting, but hopefully successful. By being diverted with my concentration on my weight and getting healthy and at a weight I haven’t seen in a long time is the fact that I haven’t done any “Shopping” and for those of you that “know” you probably can see the accomplishment in that, which again is attributed to my focus on other things.

Is it just me or am I being really repetitive? maybe such is good, be kind enough to tell me if you think otherwise.

Speaking of that, when you have read each and every blog if you would please be so kind and leave a comment as to what you think, share something, begin a conversation for I know how isolated bipolars can be, the suspicions that overwhelm you but you have a friend here.

In closing I do want to pitch one thing and that is if you really want to keep abreast as to everything I am doing and what I have discovered to please join my group by clicking here to change your life even if it is with curiosity or what . . .

One of the things that many of us would find hard to deny is the paranoia that wracks us, the Bipolar. It all but destroyed me 2 years ago and the wash back of that is rearing it’s ugly head today . . . . I think.

It is just so hard to focus, there are things that really need my attention and I am suffering enormously from a financial catastrophe which keeps me teetering constantly not knowing how I am going to fall.

I struggle with the self medication of alcohol and illicit drugs in concert with my prescribed bipolar medication. Thankful I am not a wreck, otherwise I’ve not a clue what to do. Oh well . . .

The thing most on my mind is the news that there was a fatality at the firm I used to work at. I had many years there and was acquainted with the deceased. My heart hurts. I feel that my medication is still some off from where it should and to boot today is in a down swing, Just makes it all that much more better. Sadness overwhelms me and I am unable to write. Take Care All . . .

0730 In the morning and I am off walking R2-D2 for about 20 minutes which is a mile and a half sat a brisk pace. Getting edgier and short and the days pass so I guess it is how low can I go. Don’t really want to know, nor do you!

Back from walking fixing up a full breakfast while Mara Jade Skywalker sleeps for she is not into the big breakfast, so I ate alone, but did set aside some tibits for R2-D2.

Kinda weepy outside, not really knowing if the weather is going to be stable so spent all day working on my blogging, some remodel breaks in the Den and finishing up doing the bills. Great day, huh? Yeah right.

For those of you who did not get the opportunity to download my last book WHICH IS FREE, here is my email Bipolar@BipolarDiary.com, just send me an email asking that I send you a link for the download.