Bipolar Diary

I am regularly taking 2000mg of depakote daily unless I forget which does happen on occasion. I feel lucid and believe it may be a good Xmas due to the way I am feeling which is it feels that it is on the up swing, but how long that really lasts is up to going back and looking to see.

I am excited that Christmas is soon. I understand the pertinence of what it means in the terms of the celebration of the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. When I am able to express them I do have feelings of a religious nature which may be argumentative because it is a type of self medicating.

I certainly do understand the self medicating aspect of the sickness such as alcohol, licit drugs and religion. I can accept all of the above.

In a moment of where the demons are not an issue I am then able to write and function doing things and maybe even completing them. I have been moving things at home from 1 room to another which I guess is may way of keepeing busy.

If you are following this you probably know that I am the bipolar, if that isn’t obvious. I feel that I should be laying great streams of wisdom on being bipolar but hell I can hardly peck this out due to the influence the pain.

A wonderful snapshot of an easily recognizable landmark such as the Maroon Bells located north of another widely popular worldly destination Aspen Colorado. Photo taken by Peggy Summer 2005

Reflection of

Upon reflection a bipolar generally inflicts pain because of their pain. This pain would be upon themselves or others and unfortunately it is usually someone close to them that they care about deeply or something there a bouts.

What about the 9th

Since the 9th of last month I have be buried in some incredible pain which is almost blinding but debilitating none the less. Thinking about that I seem to recollect that the 9th is significant to an incredible low in my cycle.

Do you remember?

I seem to remember a September 9th of 2009 which was exceptionally horrible, but I would have to go back and see what the diary has to say but may not find too much success there because it is in those deep periods of pain that I am unable to commit my words and thoughts to a recordable medium of which the purpose of this was to be in the first place.

I communicate a number of the ills associated with my dysfunction as pain for it is nothing less than pain a pain that I have suffered greatly throughout my life.

Awhile back

No so long ago I read a internet comment on a restaurant by a woman that communicated in the delusional sense where for me it is the pain. I know we are bizarre and I wonder if my mussing is as bizarre as that of that woman.

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say
that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that amoung other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful readers I will make available totaly FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE, PLEASE! Leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

Do You Like The Pictures? Do You Want More? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com or write it in my comments.

Today the Lord rested on this when in the creation of the heavens and earth but let me tell you the demons in my mind rarely rest, I mean even God did.

Let’s see, when medicated I would be a walking zombie and at times it would still hurt but not as bad.

So folks out there in radio land, as they used to say and I bet in some places they still do. Any how, what with the previous statement what would you think/ Medicated and zombie, or not medicated dangerous unstable but REALLY VERY CREATIVE!

Now some where in the middle of last year are my rants when I was medicated and let me tell you I bet it was the friggin demons writing that shit because I can’t tell you where it came from.

I am I the only one with these suffering demons that run around kicking my ass giving me the run to the point where I feel I should be medicated? Sure we all know the benefit of being medicated we have the chance of living to a ripe old age, drooling from the chair we are restrained to or regulated to suddenly finding yourself in an adventure like visiting a CRACK hotel in downtown LA and feeling like that was home. I really have to tell you about that one if I remember to sometime. Another one that comes to mind is being 11 years old in a control box (underground) which was about 4′X4′X3′ with a steel cover where I sought refuge from the demons chasing me, almost bought it on that one you know railroad tracks, fast big trains.

Now trains, I spent a lot of my childhood on hopping freight trains around the country because I was a bad kid and to see if my parents would come and get me once I got caught,.. In the beginning they would but then I became the quest of many adult institutions because the police was told just to keep me. One time in Chanute Kansas I was driven to the river and told to get the hell out of dodge, meaning this was on the border of Missouri and walked over the bridge in to Missouri and caught a eastbound freight to Springfield and on and on and on it went as in of story at this moment. Should not remember stuff like that, I may end up medicated again.

Best just to give it up for now. High or low at this point? More low than high haven’t seen one of those since when?

The sunsetting over Aspen Colorado taken Fall 2007

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say
that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that amoung other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful readers I will make available totaly FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE, PLEASE! Leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

Do You Like The Pictures? Do You Want More? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com or write it in my comments.

It must be tiring ready that every time I get around to it that I am feeling bad. I am. Odd thing I was soaking in the hot tub head underwater breath held eyes closed, hard. Then it happened I had a flash back to when I was twelve and running around capital hill. It was as if it was yesterday. When I reflect on this I realize that I have these flash backs as if it was yesterday, clear as day, I can feel the emotion and the pain. Pain because I was not living at home, I was 12 years old and a runaway. Thing was a usual occurrence living at home under the situation as I was. The situation, my parents not know that I was bipolar, I didn’t know I was bipolar. The just knew I was a really bad kid but not why. Back then, in the 60′s I am not sure kids were allowed to be mentally ill or even recognized that the possibility could exist, I was just a bad boy or possessed with the devil now there I can relate even to this day.

San Francisco from across the bay taken April 3 2010

Today, I am still feeling bad and it has been awhile since I felt a # 1 OK. This shit is killing me because I have set a number of gals to accomplish and this is putting a serious frigging dent I my ability to get it done. My famous call to action but so simple I can hardly say I coined the phrase.

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say
that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that amoung other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful readers I will make available totaly FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE, PLEASE! Leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

Do You Like The Pictures? Do You Want More? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com or write it in my comments.

Happy Birthday to Me!

I seem to be funking but it is not no sharp drop and it is mostly numb. Good sign. My mind is really foggy and terribly hard to formulate thoughts. It seems as I watch the whole computer display is moving in slow motion. Pretty crazy seeing it play out and so will shut it down now.

This picture was taken 2010-05-14 at the WAAAM in Hood River Oregon.

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say
that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that among other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful readers I will make available totally FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE, PLEASE! Leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

Do You Like The Pictures? Do You Want More? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com or write it in my comments.

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I really want to write, to write everyday to let you know that I am OK, but the fact is I am not OK and the demons are being somewhat bothersome. But then again being bipolar is really bothersome, and my birthday is next week with me celebrating it in the usual fashion. I guess though I am not sure what usual fashion is. I can not connect with my own mind, my vision is blurry and I just cant think or remember from one moment to the other. We know when this all began so it is to see how long it will last and what I do during.

This picture is Mt St Helen In Washington taken 2010-05-14

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say
that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that among other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful readers I will make available totally FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE, PLEASE! Leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

Do You Like The Pictures? Do You Want More? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com or write it in my comments.

Make a note for I can tell it is all going down hill but at this moment I can’t tell how fast. Lost concentration, it is like pulling teeth just to do this little bit.

Taken 2010-05-14 at Airplane and Auto Museum in Hood River Oregon.

I can say though that it was good while it lasted and I wonder when I will see something like that again. As you recall I could not remember if I had ever, but I will remember because it is here. That really is a shame you know but it is also life, the life of a bipolar.

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that among other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful readers I will make available totaly FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE PLEASE! leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you
would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

Do You Like The Pictures? Do You Want More? email me and let me know at bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com or write it in my comments.

I think maybe being on vacation has been the best medicine I have ever taken for I am feeling no pain, I am enjoying alot and if I knew otherwise I would think I was cured or more likely never a bipolar in the first place. So maybe there is hope, of what I could not really tell you. Some would ask were you possibly just a mild bipolar and not completely afflicted? I can teel you one thing for sure is that I do enjoy writing, blogging and such that from September 2009 until early 2010 I was so paralyzed with my affliction that I was unable to write, internet market or much else. It was a struggle to maintain at work and be somewhat productive in paying my way at work and had I been in another professional position I would not have had a job. So just short of a miracle I would probably say I am still bipolar, but really really feeling GOOD!

This picture was taken in Hood River Oregon at the Columbia River Canal Locks on 2010-05-13.

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that amoung other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful I will make available totaly FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE PLEASE! leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

DO YOU LIKE THE PICTURES? DO YOU WANT MORE? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com

Life is good, I am feeling good and at the moment I am vacationing in the great Northwest, staying in Welch Oregon at the Wispering Woods Resort which is a Shell Vacations property of which I have a timeshare in.

All too often I am a sucker for a sales pitch no common scense at that moment wrong part of my manic cycle and shazam! I own a timeshare and it not only happened there (In SanFransico where I bought it) and not only that but 6 years ago I visited Mexico and fell for a simple ploy in attending a time share sales presentation so I also own a Mexican time share.

Oh how great it is to be bipolar but beware there are points in your cycle where you should just be protected from your self or is every great shopper and buyers bipolar?

There really is no way to explain my inability to focus and to get to this exact point in writing was by carrying a note around in my pocket for the last 3 days.

I have so much greatness buried inside that if I could just get to it and bring it out that would be wonderful.

I am a business professional who hangs by a thread daily because of the delusions and paranoia that overwhelms me constantly as a monster under the bed does, but much much more worse. I had a really good job that I was on for 28 years and then I felt a certain individual was relentlessly antagonizing me to the point I left and now have my current and have been here for the last 3 years. The move was more money; I was my own boss, leader of a department and more money that I would’ve attained in 3 more years at the 28 place.

So what is my problem? I really did like the 28 place and had many many friends but I left, all that I gained at the new place were not issues. Quite frankly I truthfully can not say if there were any issues.