Bipolar Diary

Wish I could tell you all is great. Well one thing I found my lost lost daughter and I can tell you my life is gold compared to what that dear child had to go through growing up. She is now a grown woman with a child of her own and seems to be well adjusted. Now I also have a son of which I have not heard from in 30 years and my daughter says she thinks he dead, a drug deal gone wrong in California. Before I really didn’t like California and now . . . . . Still on the down spiral and it is killing me. I have the over whelming urge to self medicate and very well may just bought a liter of liquor to help celebrate Memorial day. What a blast – NOT! We here where I live in this swelter community we had a hail strom straight from which tore everything to pieces, luckily my wife and I were both at work in parts of town that were virtually unscathed by the storm. hey there was something good!

This picture was taken of Christine Falls on Mt Rainier 2010-05-14

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say
that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that amoung other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful readers I will make available totaly FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE, PLEASE! Leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

Do You Like The Pictures? Do You Want More? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com or write it in my comments.

Happy Birthday to Me!

I seem to be funking but it is not no sharp drop and it is mostly numb. Good sign. My mind is really foggy and terribly hard to formulate thoughts. It seems as I watch the whole computer display is moving in slow motion. Pretty crazy seeing it play out and so will shut it down now.

This picture was taken 2010-05-14 at the WAAAM in Hood River Oregon.

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say
that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that among other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful readers I will make available totally FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE, PLEASE! Leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

Do You Like The Pictures? Do You Want More? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com or write it in my comments.

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Can barley think and writing is painful because I have to try and think.

I once may have said that there is no pain with bipolar . . . WRONG

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say
that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that amoung other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful readers I will make available totaly FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE, PLEASE! Leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

Do You Like The Pictures? Do You Want More? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com or write it in my comments.

I really want to write, to write everyday to let you know that I am OK, but the fact is I am not OK and the demons are being somewhat bothersome. But then again being bipolar is really bothersome, and my birthday is next week with me celebrating it in the usual fashion. I guess though I am not sure what usual fashion is. I can not connect with my own mind, my vision is blurry and I just cant think or remember from one moment to the other. We know when this all began so it is to see how long it will last and what I do during.

This picture is Mt St Helen In Washington taken 2010-05-14

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say
that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that among other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful readers I will make available totally FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE, PLEASE! Leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

Do You Like The Pictures? Do You Want More? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com or write it in my comments.

Make a note for I can tell it is all going down hill but at this moment I can’t tell how fast. Lost concentration, it is like pulling teeth just to do this little bit.

Taken 2010-05-14 at Airplane and Auto Museum in Hood River Oregon.

I can say though that it was good while it lasted and I wonder when I will see something like that again. As you recall I could not remember if I had ever, but I will remember because it is here. That really is a shame you know but it is also life, the life of a bipolar.

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that among other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful readers I will make available totaly FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE PLEASE! leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you
would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

Do You Like The Pictures? Do You Want More? email me and let me know at bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com or write it in my comments.

I think maybe being on vacation has been the best medicine I have ever taken for I am feeling no pain, I am enjoying alot and if I knew otherwise I would think I was cured or more likely never a bipolar in the first place. So maybe there is hope, of what I could not really tell you. Some would ask were you possibly just a mild bipolar and not completely afflicted? I can teel you one thing for sure is that I do enjoy writing, blogging and such that from September 2009 until early 2010 I was so paralyzed with my affliction that I was unable to write, internet market or much else. It was a struggle to maintain at work and be somewhat productive in paying my way at work and had I been in another professional position I would not have had a job. So just short of a miracle I would probably say I am still bipolar, but really really feeling GOOD!

This picture was taken in Hood River Oregon at the Columbia River Canal Locks on 2010-05-13.

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that amoung other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful I will make available totaly FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE PLEASE! leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

DO YOU LIKE THE PICTURES? DO YOU WANT MORE? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com

Unbelievable, not only am I on the top side of my cycle it is great! it is sustained and I sure hope I don’t plunge and friggin crash and burn . . . been there done that but I certainly will enjoy it while it lasts.

I am not sure if is the release from the medication or if it is just going good. As usual I say you all out there do know what I mean.

Better yet I am popping out some killer articles for an example here is on from ezineArticles.com go there and check it out if you like. I am not having trouble concentrating and I can carryout a thought so I would say I am doing pretty good.

So has anyone taken a step and joine up my list so they can get suprises, free stuff and posibly good information and possibly educated on some things? If not here is your chance again Click Here to Join

Is it really May already? Sometime in my delusional illusionist times I just get so totally lost up in the speeding time continuum. My efforts toward internet marketing are beginning to move a bit. I have done 2 videos for the linking to my main site if anyone cares Click Here to see or if you have any interest in the videos CLICK HERE to see them on YouTube and if you bother to watch any of the videos (about 50 of them) please take a moment to leave a comment on your thoughts. Bear in mind that when you see my stuff it is created by a manic and as we well know many people say that bipolars are really talented and I do believe I do fit that mold but not necessarily.

My talents run m ore in to the “Crystal Ball” arena. I try to look into the future and predict events and occurrences and the outcome of all of this. As a matter of fact I am very good when it comes to this and that is how I make my living, I am a “Cost Estimator” for Construction.

This is why it is so hard to be medicated because it clouds up my visions and the crystal ball is just smoky and cloudy. I do have a propensity to be a “Wild Ass Guesser” but I am not very good at it. Matter of fact if you run into some one who lays claim to this fame, DON NOT BUT SNAKE OIL FROM THEM for it is bound to be pure poison.

Talking about medication, and since I have no sense of then or now I am not sure as to whether or not I had commented on as to why I don’t like to be medicated. Mainly I feel must more alive when I am awake because the dose of depakote required to be therapeutic with me is about 2000mgs a day an 4 of them horse pills just takes all of the apatite right out of me.

I know it is not fair to the people around me, those that love and care for me that of the unpredictable nature that is the reality of not being medicated brings to my life and those around as well as the general public at large ( I once came to my senses only to find my self in a Downtown LA –10th and Main– in a crack bar hotel paying 100 dollars a night) one time when I was not medicated. Remind me to tell you of that one and of course we well know that there are many tales to be told by not being medicated, like the many time of homelessness and hopelessness of those situations, we will tell of them soon or later.

Fact of the matter I just can not function at the level I need to to be creative and alive although being a bipolar and saying that as it applies to me is almost an oxymoron.

There really is no way to explain my inability to focus and to get to this exact point in writing was by carrying a note around in my pocket for the last 3 days.

I have so much greatness buried inside that if I could just get to it and bring it out that would be wonderful.

I am a business professional who hangs by a thread daily because of the delusions and paranoia that overwhelms me constantly as a monster under the bed does, but much much more worse. I had a really good job that I was on for 28 years and then I felt a certain individual was relentlessly antagonizing me to the point I left and now have my current and have been here for the last 3 years. The move was more money; I was my own boss, leader of a department and more money that I would’ve attained in 3 more years at the 28 place.

So what is my problem? I really did like the 28 place and had many many friends but I left, all that I gained at the new place were not issues. Quite frankly I truthfully can not say if there were any issues.

The most likely stimulus for writing today comes from some action at work yesterday which was a negative impact to my brittle existence. More so since I am on an upward climb and feeling somewhat better. This could be attributed to a couple of things, one may be the natural upswing, GOD only knows that it is due and second I am weaning of my medication, gotta it is like the world of the walking dead. The mood difference could actually be a combination of both.