Bipolar Diary

It is all good. I almost feel normal. Things have been normal at least the way I define it but really put much to that.

Went to Timberline Ski Area just outside Portland Oregon an did a few pictures of Mt Hood (see Below) and I would say looking good.

You know I really could get used to feeling like this I can’t say when the last time I felt this good and can’t really say if I have. Too Kool!

Life is good, I am feeling good and at the moment I am vacationing in the great Northwest, staying in Welch Oregon at the Wispering Woods Resort which is a Shell Vacations property of which I have a timeshare in.

All too often I am a sucker for a sales pitch no common scense at that moment wrong part of my manic cycle and shazam! I own a timeshare and it not only happened there (In SanFransico where I bought it) and not only that but 6 years ago I visited Mexico and fell for a simple ploy in attending a time share sales presentation so I also own a Mexican time share.

Oh how great it is to be bipolar but beware there are points in your cycle where you should just be protected from your self or is every great shopper and buyers bipolar?

Unbelievable, not only am I on the top side of my cycle it is great! it is sustained and I sure hope I don’t plunge and friggin crash and burn . . . been there done that but I certainly will enjoy it while it lasts.

I am not sure if is the release from the medication or if it is just going good. As usual I say you all out there do know what I mean.

Better yet I am popping out some killer articles for an example here is on from ezineArticles.com go there and check it out if you like. I am not having trouble concentrating and I can carryout a thought so I would say I am doing pretty good.

So has anyone taken a step and joine up my list so they can get suprises, free stuff and posibly good information and possibly educated on some things? If not here is your chance again Click Here to Join

If you all haven’t noticed I must be on the topside of an up swing because it appears I have written a few days in a row.

Another factor can be the fact that I am really getting into doing something about my weight and my fat ass. I have had a treadmill ( a good one at that ) which my wife bought 10 years ago. Enough about that, the point being is that when I am walking which is 1 hour in the morning and 1 at night. While walking I am reading eBooks on Internet Marketing which gives me hope in learning this complicated career choice. I am trying my hand in promoting a web site dealing with how to lose weight, weight loss safely and eating healthy for weight control and if you are interested you can Click Here to visit my web page and see if you think I am headed in the right direction.

It is hard for me to say because I tend to wander so horribly but then when I am in the cycle I am in at the moment I believe my thought are more lucid and complete but what has gone into that stuff when I am at a low point is surely interesting, but hopefully successful. By being diverted with my concentration on my weight and getting healthy and at a weight I haven’t seen in a long time is the fact that I haven’t done any “Shopping” and for those of you that “know” you probably can see the accomplishment in that, which again is attributed to my focus on other things.

Is it just me or am I being really repetitive? maybe such is good, be kind enough to tell me if you think otherwise.

Speaking of that, when you have read each and every blog if you would please be so kind and leave a comment as to what you think, share something, begin a conversation for I know how isolated bipolars can be, the suspicions that overwhelm you but you have a friend here.

In closing I do want to pitch one thing and that is if you really want to keep abreast as to everything I am doing and what I have discovered to please join my group by clicking here to change your life even if it is with curiosity or what . . .

Something that I have been trying to do for the last year is to break into “Internet Marketing” truly a laugh for the commitment required and a manic trying to do this. I find determination from time to time almost like my ability to write this blog on a consistent basics. I am sure many of you know the struggles I face, the troubles I battle everyday and to top it all I have been trying internet marketing. WOW . . .

I will try to tell of what I have done and where my success is at and how I will succeed. Who am I kidding I have had no success, spent way too much money and have nothing! to show but bills , pain and heart ache but the love of my darling wife keeps me moving. As to what I will do or have to do to be successful is something I have no clue about. Well kinda, I have been reading like a fool everything I find and buy. I just get so petrified when I feel that I have a call to action to do, I become paralyzed and don’t follow through.

Some examples: I paid Omar Pieru $4300.00 for business motivation and coaching. Couldn’t implement teaching and eventually fell away from him.

Paid $6500.00 to Commercial Millions for a 3 day bootcamp and training seminar, and didn’t implement not a thing.

Became involved with the “Speed of Wealth” and “Mantria” following their investment pitches and investing in their schemes to the tune of $250,000.00 when last year when they were busted for running a PONZI, so I have no money, debt to my ass but my wife still loves me but the pain and embarrassment of being so stupid.

So my path of success is not paved in gold but I am up to my ass in mud as I walk down this path so that may explain why I feel so bogged down.

There really is no way to explain my inability to focus and to get to this exact point in writing was by carrying a note around in my pocket for the last 3 days.

I have so much greatness buried inside that if I could just get to it and bring it out that would be wonderful.

I am a business professional who hangs by a thread daily because of the delusions and paranoia that overwhelms me constantly as a monster under the bed does, but much much more worse. I had a really good job that I was on for 28 years and then I felt a certain individual was relentlessly antagonizing me to the point I left and now have my current and have been here for the last 3 years. The move was more money; I was my own boss, leader of a department and more money that I would’ve attained in 3 more years at the 28 place.

So what is my problem? I really did like the 28 place and had many many friends but I left, all that I gained at the new place were not issues. Quite frankly I truthfully can not say if there were any issues.

The boss wanted to know why I was out to have blood drawn as in was I OK or other. I told boss that it was just routine for my bipolar. Boss exclaimed that I had never said I was bipolar. I reminded boss that there were a time or two when we had that discussion and not just a passing moment. Don’t know where boss was going with this but I would never remember so I am putting it here as a witness.

I realy want to have it out there as to what I am going through and feeling. I go for such long periods of times where it it such a struggle to complete the most elementry things. I haven’t said, but I have been without a shrink for almost 7 years. That is not a good thing. I have done so many stupid things that may have not occured, and at this monment I am able to be relective on the trouble I have experienced in the past. It is as if I am having a period of awakening, no . . . that is exactly what I am having at the moment, a moment of awakening. The demons are not pounding on me with the furry that is all but my life, So ongoing sh……….. is I continue to self medicate with some really bad stuff and I keep that company with alcohol and too boot I down daily 2000 mg of Depakote which is at the lower end of the scale of theraputic, my GP shows me my labs and his is the one who prescribes all of the meds.

On Vacation
At home blogging and then some blogging. Pretty well medicated these days though it feels that it is at the lower end. It is Depakote and I am doing 1500 daily. I can tell it is the lower end because I am not yet the walking asleep, though I have bouts if I lose my attention I will drop off to sleep as a doze but then startle awake. I pretty much know where I am and what I am doing, may take a sec from time to time but I mostly have my orientation correct.

For those of you who did not get the opportunity to download my last book WHICH IS FREE, here is my email Bipolar@BipolarDiary.com, just send me an email asking that I send you a link for the download.

I am in Florida with my lovely. Finished a horrible down run but when this occurs it is alway horrible and it occurs way too often. The resultant is that I am just to paralyzed to do anything gainful and productive. There are a lot of stories in my mind that I would like to get out for the benifit of everyone but am at the time unable to lay them down for ya all.