Bipolar Diary

I am regularly taking 2000mg of depakote daily unless I forget which does happen on occasion. I feel lucid and believe it may be a good Xmas due to the way I am feeling which is it feels that it is on the up swing, but how long that really lasts is up to going back and looking to see.

I am excited that Christmas is soon. I understand the pertinence of what it means in the terms of the celebration of the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. When I am able to express them I do have feelings of a religious nature which may be argumentative because it is a type of self medicating.

I certainly do understand the self medicating aspect of the sickness such as alcohol, licit drugs and religion. I can accept all of the above.

In a moment of where the demons are not an issue I am then able to write and function doing things and maybe even completing them. I have been moving things at home from 1 room to another which I guess is may way of keepeing busy.

WAAAM Hood River OR

One day while my lil lovely has been gone and I am here and from here it is blessed there of which I am glad but I have been giving her a hard time of which I shouldn’t but can’t let her think it really is blessed for even I know That it isn’t.

Dis with her boys but then no difference than normal but I just hope it doesn’t progress. Me, I am dandy as candy . . . We know that is bull shit RIGHT?

THE DIALOG BELOW IS ONE OF THE CONSTANTS I HAVE IN MY LIFE AND I NEED TO KEEP IT OUT THERE THAT I CAN DO SOME THINGS BUT IT IS JUST NOT ALL THE TIME AND MAYBE NOT ALL THIS MONTH OR EVEN YEAR BUT THERE ARE THINGS I CAN DO.

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that amoung other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful readers I will make available totaly FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE, PLEASE! Leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

I know that I ramble alot and the direction is not always lucid but email me by clicking the link below if you want more information on something I did not finish writing about or in a lucid moment clarify something I did write.

Do You Like The Pictures? Do You Want More? email me and let me know Send a email or leave a comment.

For those of you who did not get the opportunity to download my last book WHICH IS FREE, click on the email above asking that I send you a link for the download.

Talk about pain and the intolerable bipolar creates an almost new pain in itself. So how about what’s good about being bipolar. I can tell you fly on the wall when this was read around the world. There is nothing good about being bipolar nor good about being a bipolar. A bipolar that is not medicated can say that their creativity is the sharpest when they are “awake”. I may not have introduced the term awake before so allow me a moment to explain it.

In San Fransisco on Peggy’s Birthday 2005 taken by Peggy

More than likely this is going to take a huge tangent away from what I was beginning there but anyhow, when a bipolar is medicated and well into their therapeutic range of medication they are literally zombies. The walking asleep bipolars. The level of medication to even out the mood cycles puts the bipolar in a zombie state, the walking dead, asleep on their feet. In this state the bipolar is manageable, they’re asleep, so of course they’re manageable.

Off the tangent and moving forward, the same manic that is not medicated will say that they pose no threat to themselves or anyone else. If you are the one hearing that I can only say as being a manic that is pure bullshit! We are dangerous to ourselves and to those around us. It is so like a drunken driver where the question is will any thing happen by driving drunk, but of course we know that answer and it is not if but when . . . . Same with a manic that is not medicated, when?

That has wore me out so I bide you farewell till I am able to write more for you again.

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say
that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that amoung other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful readers I will make available totaly FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE, PLEASE! Leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

Do You Like The Pictures? Do You Want More? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com or write it in my comments.

It must be tiring ready that every time I get around to it that I am feeling bad. I am. Odd thing I was soaking in the hot tub head underwater breath held eyes closed, hard. Then it happened I had a flash back to when I was twelve and running around capital hill. It was as if it was yesterday. When I reflect on this I realize that I have these flash backs as if it was yesterday, clear as day, I can feel the emotion and the pain. Pain because I was not living at home, I was 12 years old and a runaway. Thing was a usual occurrence living at home under the situation as I was. The situation, my parents not know that I was bipolar, I didn’t know I was bipolar. The just knew I was a really bad kid but not why. Back then, in the 60′s I am not sure kids were allowed to be mentally ill or even recognized that the possibility could exist, I was just a bad boy or possessed with the devil now there I can relate even to this day.

San Francisco from across the bay taken April 3 2010

Today, I am still feeling bad and it has been awhile since I felt a # 1 OK. This shit is killing me because I have set a number of gals to accomplish and this is putting a serious frigging dent I my ability to get it done. My famous call to action but so simple I can hardly say I coined the phrase.

I may not have mentioned it but I really enjoy photography and can actually say
that I do pretty well by it. Sooner or later I will try to get a gallery of photos that I take up and can say that amoung other things I am a pretty good writer also. I have written a number of ebooks, mostly on internet subjects and how-to for craigslist, twitter, google adsense and other popular marketing subjects. For my faithful readers I will make available totaly FREE to you, any and all if you desire just send me an email to ebooks@bipolarydiary.com tell what you would like or what type of ebooks you like or just ask for the whole list of what I have available. Yours FREE as I said for being one of my faithful readers and if you like I will do the same for all your family and friends. Not cost, no gimmick.

I will end on that note – keep reading, learn, live happy and share.

YES! Share. A note about that.

PLEASE, PLEASE! Leave a comment below telling me of yourself, about your affliction and how it affects you. You can state you comment is PRIVATE to me or you would like to share it with all of my readers. Leave some sort of note telling me what you like about my writing, what you don’t like. Is there something you would like to see me write about, am I lucid enough to be understandable. Are you feeling my pain and my joy? Tell me, please if you would. Share your thoughts and message with me.

Do You Like The Pictures? Do You Want More? email me and let me know bipolarguy@bipolardiary.com or write it in my comments.

0500 – 1/2 – 0730
It feels horrible, like my head is going to explode. There has been so much today and can venture to say that it has not been fun. To kick it off Darth Vader cornered me in my off and just rambled on with his usual shit. I flat told him again to garner the business he wants he has to do such and such which I have plainly told him again and again over the last 2 years. Then I go to the Powapo Nadda for Amanas Gogmmas and did not do well there for I had high hopes. Darth Vader musta slammed Darth Desolus for he then cornered me asking the same and I told him also what it would take which he replyed with some hiliarous Glog Pilmus of which I was not buying into. We were interuppted by Chewbacca and while we were conversing Darth Desolus snuck away possibly to report his fustrations to Darth Vader. I then determined it was time to go home for the day anyhow so I left. Had some dinner but no stomach for my evening wallk but worked on the home bills and some business got fustrated and decided it was time to do a hot tub and scurry off to bed.

A note: I am so bungled up I can’t really dechiper what my condition is but I am going to increase med by 500mg to 1000mg but really need to find a shrink.

For those of you who did not get the opportunity to download my last book WHICH IS FREE, here is my email Bipolar@BipolarDiary.com, just send me an email asking that I send you a link for the download.

0600 – 1/2 – 1930
Out at 0500 with R2-D2 walking our usual 20 minute. Back home to have a quick breakfast and then zip of to work at the Dark Star. A note: feeling somewhat up and if I knew not better feeling some what better on the up swing. God if I could only really understand the days. Running around here trying to aid in getting the bids done, business covered for Darth Desolus is off on to a great white hunt. Can’t really say when it will be done, Gilad Pellaeon is not far along with his estimate so I need to hang out with him until it is done. It just don’t get any better than that. 1930 Just too tired to continue so head home and get some dinner (Tacos 7 Poppers) vegging out in front of the tube for the rest of the night.

For those of you who did not get the opportunity to download my last book WHICH IS FREE, here is my email Bipolar@BipolarDiary.com, just send me an email asking that I send you a link for the download.

0600 – N/L – 1700
and tomorrow is Xmas . . . .

This morning I slept so well that I did not get up until the wifes alarm woke me up and she usually gets up 1 1/2 hours after I do. My subconscience must have sent me directly to bed last night with out setting an alarm though I did have the CPAP all set up. . . I think.

Nedless to say R2-D2 did not get a walk this morning but I do beleive she will survive.

Nas Choka was in from New Republic to meet with Dart Desolus and Darth Vader and Count Dooku were in New Republic to see if they could get everything laid to rest. All day was spent visiting with Nas Choka and then sending him off at the airport and me coming home to tend to the chores and catch up on computer and billing. Don’t get much better than that.

A note: The medicine may be working for I feel in a real mid nothingness but possibly a bit ok even. hmmmmmmmmmmm

For those of you who did not get the opportunity to download my last book WHICH IS FREE, here is my email Bipolar@BipolarDiary.com, just send me an email asking that I send you a link for the download.

0500 – 1/2 – 1530
Had to have had the worst night sleeps in forever, could not get comfortabel, slept with the CPAP off and the PAIN, om my GOD the pain! I could not get comfortable and the result was I was looking at the clock every 1/2 hour until 0330 when I got up and took R2-D2 out walking for 30 minutes. Fixed and big breakfast and hit work at 0500. I was locked out of my computer so I had to get tech support on the line which took 2 hours and then everyone started rolling in. By 0900 Dart Desolula was in by then but running all ove with Darth Vader in New Republic with Count Dooku to settle up with the barbarians there. Been having a good time. Seems like a jolly time is brewing because an appointment was set to remove escrow documents from the vault and according to Count Dooku Darth Desolua has the key some where so it is bout to be a ball! Once I was in my computer the day was spent on doing little catchup things and configuring my replacement laptop replacing the ones which were stolen.

Home by 1800, dinner and all evening working on bringing the blogs current, financials for the business and prep for the annual company report due in Sept 2009. Oh joy! Out to bed by 2200 and a good night to all . . . .

For those of you who did not get the opportunity to download my last book WHICH IS FREE, here is my email Bipolar@BipolarDiary.com, just send me an email asking that I send you a link for the download.

0730 In the morning and I am off walking R2-D2 for about 20 minutes which is a mile and a half sat a brisk pace. Getting edgier and short and the days pass so I guess it is how low can I go. Don’t really want to know, nor do you!

Back from walking fixing up a full breakfast while Mara Jade Skywalker sleeps for she is not into the big breakfast, so I ate alone, but did set aside some tibits for R2-D2.

Kinda weepy outside, not really knowing if the weather is going to be stable so spent all day working on my blogging, some remodel breaks in the Den and finishing up doing the bills. Great day, huh? Yeah right.

For those of you who did not get the opportunity to download my last book WHICH IS FREE, here is my email Bipolar@BipolarDiary.com, just send me an email asking that I send you a link for the download.

Last day in Florida, Clearwater Florida.
We will be flying back to Death Star later on in the afternoon. We have to get the rental car back and fuel in the tank and yet to the terminal in time to get the hell out of dodge. Feeling a bit edgy, can’t say I’ve been over the top but it sure seems on the way back down. Wow that really lasted awhile.

Got to the airport terminal and sat down and had some dinner and a drink. Not much action just waiting till the planes takes off.

The plane ride from hell, in front of me sat the most unruly and undisciplined 2 year old I have ever encountered in my life I just wanted to bust the mother in the mouth for what she had done to her child, what an injustice and not to mention the 10 kinds of hell I went through on a 3 hour 15 minute ride with constant squalling, jumping up and down and screaming. Never once missed a note nor went hoarse, the kid that is. 1830 Landed in the Death Star and home by 1930 and then over to pick up R2-D2 at my brothers house.

On home to an early sleep, just tired and burnt. Off to beddy bye!

For those of you who did not get the opportunity to download my last book WHICH IS FREE, here is my email Bipolar@BipolarDiary.com, just send me an email asking that I send you a link for the download.